Frayed

With my upcoming arbitration this Thursday, I find myself scattered. My emotions are everywhere, my stomach is in a constant knot and my nerves are completely frayed. I thought I was more prepared emotionally, but it would seem otherwise.

It's been exactly 4 1/2 years today. Who would've thought that a hit and run accident would impact my life so. I personally feel like I've come a long ways. Especially when it comes to my emotions, to my mind. I can live with the pain, it's just a fact of life that has come to be, but my emotions have wreaked havoc on my family and myself over these last years. It has been an emotional roller coaster that seemed to have evened out over this last year, as I put the tools that I've learned to work. But now....I feel like I'm at the beginning again....that I'm shattered and pieces of me are everywhere and I'm scrambling to put myself back together again. Reminding myself of the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty.

How do you convince a complete stranger that you're in pain? How would they know if they don't live with you, if they haven't been there to see the before and after, or if they've never experienced this pain themselves?

Whatever the outcome...whatever happens on Thursday, this particular part of my life will be over. I will move on to the next chapter and I'm looking forward to what the future holds.

Sitting here deep in thought, I hear the powerful gusts of wind against the trees behind me....I think I'll go outside for a bit to allow the wind to sooth my raw nerves...to help bring me back to center again.

I've been bad....

bad about posting to my blog! It's been busy with prom on Saturday, baseball, and my work schedule being all wonky! So I thought while I've got a few minutes before I need to package up some orders that I would post a little somethin'.

I made and posted this pair of Blue Chalcedony earrings today...left to make the Lemon Drops necklace and when I checked back in...those earrings were sold. Then while I was taking photos of the necklace my Chakra pendant sold. Wooohooo...so it was a good day on Etsy.

This week hasn't been so good for my back though. I've had sciatica flare ups in both legs and muscle spasms to no end....uuugghhh! I can't sleep on my back...it's either one side or another, but I "trout" alot which is basically flip-flopping from one side to another. Well when I woke up, I was on my back and that was the beginning of a rough 2 days. It's almost been 4 years since my auto accident...you'd think I'd be used to it by now....but that's not the case.

On to brighter things....I finally bought a Blackberry Curve (red)...love it. At first though, I was really bummed because I could access my Etsy store but I couldn't log in to renew or respond to convos. So I posted a help in the Etsy Fora...and low and behold there were so many of us that couldn't login. But some sweet Etsian posted a link to Operamini...what a life saver! After I downloaded that application and made a few tweaks to my phone...voila...I can login, renew and reply! So to pay it forward in a sense, I posted a step by step "how-to" in the fora for those having troubles and it seems to have helped. I love that while I'm on my lunch break I can check in to see how things are going in my store...and I'm also lovin' how easy it was to link all of my emails to my phone! Pretty much...besides the back pain...life is good!