The Waiting Game

Well it was a long day yesterday and Arbitration seemed to last forever, but it's done. Now we're just waiting on to see how the 3 arbitrators decide. It could be another week because of spring break.

The whole arbitration process was very surreal, lasting 8 hours. The most difficult part was having people talk about me as if I didn't exist all the while I was sitting right there. Often the words spoken were harsh, but I didn't show any emotion. I couldn't for some reason...until today. Replaying it in my head today, I broke down. I'm exhausted. I thought I would feel closure with my part being done, but I don't. Maybe after they come back with their decision I'll feel it....I sure hope so.

I'm off to take a nap in hopes that I can regain some much needed energy. I'll be sure to post the results later.

Frayed

With my upcoming arbitration this Thursday, I find myself scattered. My emotions are everywhere, my stomach is in a constant knot and my nerves are completely frayed. I thought I was more prepared emotionally, but it would seem otherwise.

It's been exactly 4 1/2 years today. Who would've thought that a hit and run accident would impact my life so. I personally feel like I've come a long ways. Especially when it comes to my emotions, to my mind. I can live with the pain, it's just a fact of life that has come to be, but my emotions have wreaked havoc on my family and myself over these last years. It has been an emotional roller coaster that seemed to have evened out over this last year, as I put the tools that I've learned to work. But now....I feel like I'm at the beginning again....that I'm shattered and pieces of me are everywhere and I'm scrambling to put myself back together again. Reminding myself of the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty.

How do you convince a complete stranger that you're in pain? How would they know if they don't live with you, if they haven't been there to see the before and after, or if they've never experienced this pain themselves?

Whatever the outcome...whatever happens on Thursday, this particular part of my life will be over. I will move on to the next chapter and I'm looking forward to what the future holds.

Sitting here deep in thought, I hear the powerful gusts of wind against the trees behind me....I think I'll go outside for a bit to allow the wind to sooth my raw nerves...to help bring me back to center again.

Finally!

After being sick since Friday I've finally got enough energy to make a couple of new earrings. I still have a cough but that's a lot better than the fever, stuffy head and all discombobulated (that's probably not how you spell it, but it sure describes how I felt) feeling!

I won't be anywhere near a computer tomorrow til late evening because my attorney and another gentleman who's putting a media presentation together for me will have me busy doing interviews and getting all of my photos ready for my upcoming arbitration in December. I can't wait to have all of this behind me. Though the back pain may always be there, at least all of the other baggage that comes from a hit and run accident will be over with. All I have to say is after 4 years I'm ready to move on to another phase in my life.