Frayed

With my upcoming arbitration this Thursday, I find myself scattered. My emotions are everywhere, my stomach is in a constant knot and my nerves are completely frayed. I thought I was more prepared emotionally, but it would seem otherwise.

It's been exactly 4 1/2 years today. Who would've thought that a hit and run accident would impact my life so. I personally feel like I've come a long ways. Especially when it comes to my emotions, to my mind. I can live with the pain, it's just a fact of life that has come to be, but my emotions have wreaked havoc on my family and myself over these last years. It has been an emotional roller coaster that seemed to have evened out over this last year, as I put the tools that I've learned to work. But now....I feel like I'm at the beginning again....that I'm shattered and pieces of me are everywhere and I'm scrambling to put myself back together again. Reminding myself of the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty.

How do you convince a complete stranger that you're in pain? How would they know if they don't live with you, if they haven't been there to see the before and after, or if they've never experienced this pain themselves?

Whatever the outcome...whatever happens on Thursday, this particular part of my life will be over. I will move on to the next chapter and I'm looking forward to what the future holds.

Sitting here deep in thought, I hear the powerful gusts of wind against the trees behind me....I think I'll go outside for a bit to allow the wind to sooth my raw nerves...to help bring me back to center again.